Letting It All Go

I'm the kind of person that likes to have plan. I think I have a fear of sitting alone and missing out on something fun. This desire to always have a plan is something that makes me feel like I have control of my life. Now who doesn't like to be in control of the things going on in their life? I know I sure do, but throughout my journey I have had no control. It was killing me at first! I hate not having control over the situations in my life, especially the ones that hurt me. All I wanted was to be able to stop the pain, and get back to the plan that was in place before the pain started.

Because I had was still grasping to have control over my life, I wasn't really making any progress. I remember the moment I realized my control issue. I was laying in my bed talking to God when I said, "I just want to have control!" The next thing I heard was, "Just let me have the control." I immediately said okay. When you hear God's voice so clearly there is nothing else you can do but surrender. I realized in this moment that you have to wake up in the morning in complete surrender to God. If God is in control then you know the situation is going to be okay.

I think a good verse that backs up this lessons is Philippians 4:6-"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." I have learned to rejoice in my sufferings, present my worries to God, and let him have the control. Now I didn't instantly become better, and I still had to constantly let go of the situation. Pain does not just disappear, but it does fade. (Thank God it fades!) The bad days came and went, but the good times began to grow.

God is in control of my life, and it feels good. I don't know what he has planned for my future, but I know it will be amazing! I don't worry about not having a plan because as long as I continue to keep my focus on God everything will work out for the best.

Before the Morning

For the first few weeks of my journey I felt like I was learning a lot, but there came a point where I began to feel alone. As someone was asking me how I was doing, I honestly had to tell them I felt like I was seeking out God, but I was not finding him. I was extremely frustrated. One night on my way home from work my mom told me to listen to a song that might help me. The song is called "Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson and I am going to share it with you guys.

Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?
Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

This first verse captured exactly how I was feeling. I was so hurt and kept asking God where he was. It is so easy to question God when things are hard and not going the way we had hoped, but we have to remember that there is something bigger going on that we can not always see at the moment. Now I know it doesn't seem like things are ever going to get better when all you feel is pain, but there is a better ending coming.

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

It is so scary to dare to believe that things are going to get better when all you see is darkness. Yet God promises us that the darkness is going to end. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning! (Psalm 30:5) You have to continue to press on through the fight because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Its the waiting that can be very difficult, but it is always worth it in the end.

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good for those who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

The second verse carries one of my favorite lines in the song. "Life is not a snapshot." If you took a picture of my life two months ago and compared it to today it would be completely different. Time changes everything. I know that I am not the most patient person in the world, but when it comes to God's plan you have to learn to be patient. Wait on him and he will show you the bigger picture.

Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory

There is no truer statement then the one above. God's glory makes the pain of any hurt fade to just a memory. He has been working in my heart day by day to make the pain fade away, but he does not leave an empty space when he removes it. He fills the pain with his love, and there is nothing else in the world that I would want to fill that space in my heart.

As the chorus is repeated one last time there is a line that is sung that wasn't sung before. "It's just the hurt before the healing." What a powerful thought. Hurting is not something that people desire in their life, but when there is a hurt there is always a healing. God is going to heal all of the pain in your life, and make you whole.

I hope that this song helps you as much as it helped me...

Persevering Through the Pain

Something I have learned in life is that when God is telling you something he usually does it more than once. About a week into my journey God showed me Romans 5:3-4, "Not only so, but also rejoice in our sufferings because suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." This verse really hit home with because I was most definitely suffering and I needed to learn to rejoice in my suffering.

Now a few days later God showed me James 1:3-4, "because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." After reading this verse all I could think was, WOW. Okay God I think you are trying to teach me something, perseverance. It would have been so easy if I had just curled into a ball and just shut myself down, but God was telling me that I needed to persevere through my pain.

This two verses say carry so much weight behind them. If we learn to persevere through our sufferings then we begin to develop character and hope. We also begin to mature and not lack anything. It is not easy though to persevere through the sufferings. You don't know how long the suffering is going to last, and also you have no idea what is going to happen along the way. It is so scary to get up and press on through the pain, but God rewards us for our perseverance.

Hebrews 10:35-36, "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." As Christians we can walk in confidence through the hard times because when we obey God, he gives us what he promised us.

I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I have been walking in the will of God for the past two months, and I know God is going to reward me for my faithfulness. He has been testing my faith and trust in him, and it is a test that everyone must go through at some point. Do not give up! Persevere through the hard times because they will come to an end, and God will be there for you always!

This was lesson number two...

How He Loves Us

I'm sure that many of you have heard the song "How He Loves Us" by David Crowder, but have you really thought about the words of that song? The first lines of the song are "He is jealous for me." Do you truly know what that means? The creator of this world and universe is jealous for me!

The fact of the matter is, God was jealous for me because he was not getting all of my heart. I can honestly say that two months ago God was not high on my list of priorities and because of it He removed the things that were above him. As he began to put a tug on my heart I knew the things that needed to happen, and I knew they were not going to be easy. Its kind of like the lines from that Fray song, "sometimes the hardest things and the right things are the same." I had to let go of the things in my life that mattered the most to me.

After doing so, I found myself in one of the most vulnerable places I had ever been and I did not like it. I questioned why God needed to put me through it, but I am so thankful now that he did. I think that many of us are so afraid to let ourselves be vulnerable because when we are vulnerable we feel things that aren't always pleasant. One of the only things that helped me in this place of vulnerability was the fact that God loves me. I must have listened to this song at least fifty times and just kept singing "oh how He loves me."

Because he loves me, he wants all of me. God broke my heart so He could put it back together again. You may wonder why I phrase it that way, but I truly believe that is what happened. "Jesus has to thwart us --thwart our self-redemptive plans, our controlling and our hiding, thwart the ways we are seeking to fill the ache within us. Otherwise, we would never fully turn to him for our rescue." (Captivating) I completely agree with this statement. I turned to God for my rescue and suddenly I became aware of his glory and his affections for me! His love for me was all I had, and all I needed.

This was the first of my lessons from God...

A little about me

So the other day I decided that I wanted to start blogging. Now it was not just a spur of the moment thing, it came about because of a scripture verse...

2 Cor. 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

The past two months God has taken me on a journey (and still is) that is drawing me back to his heart. He has shown me so much and I feel like I need to share some of the important lessons he has taught me, and I hope that those lessons can help other people.

So now I would like to take you guys on the journey God has been taking me on...