Back at it Again

Well my friends, I find myself in a place which could benefit from some writing. It has been a long time since I have dedicated myself to writing things out, and I wish to change it...

Life is hard...

In case anyone did not know the wonderful fact above I just wanted to state it. In talking with other people my age, we have all come to the conclusion that life is very difficult for a young 20 something these days. Jobs are VERY hard to come by. Finding a place to live is hard to come by. Lets not even scratch the surface of debt, whether it be school debt of credit card debt.

I find myself in this stuck place in life. I have been substitute teaching full time and a manager and barista at a coffee shop because the wonderful piece of paper I payed $40,000 has not helped me secure a job. I live at home in my childhood bedroom with no signs of moving out anytime soon. On top of all of those facts I find myself newly single once again. Basically I have backtracked to highschool.

This past September I turned 24. Now when I was a kid I always thought my life would be together by the time I turned this age. If only I had known otherwise. Life never turns out the way you think.

As I was sharing all of these things with a very wise couple in my church, the husband tells me "I have a word for that." Me thinking it will be something profound asks, "What?" Are you ready for his response.... "Life" 

Life always brings setbacks. Everything can seem to be looking up and then all of the sudden you are taken three steps backwards. In all of the setbacks I have been experiencing lately I have been experiencing one major push forward. GOD

Although I have not been making strides in my career the one thing I can say which is always moving forward is God and his call for my life. It seems that over the past two years I have been out of college, my ministry has been growing to a place I would have never imagined. God has been showing more and more of his will for my life and although most of it terrifies, me I know everything will be okay. God is always taking care of me, even when there are setbacks in life. 

Life is like a box of Chocolates...

Life is most certainly like a box of chocolates, you never really know what you are going to get...

So it's day 5 in 2013 and so far this new year has already been a roller coaster. I started it off with a job interview. The interview went all right and I should hear if I made the first cut next week, but for whatever reason it left me feeling odd afterwards. Not really sure why but I continued on my day in a funk. 

I headed off to my night job while in my funk and found out my hours were being cut. Awesome, I'm broke and now I can't work. It was one of those days were life decided to say, "Hey it has been a while since you had a good punch in the face, here you go. *whack*"

I sat at work about to burst into tears because of the crappy day I was having and I remembered something. On New Years Day I said a prayer, "God please teach me to trust you more." As I continued to hold back tears God was just like, "Hey you wanted to learn to trust me more right? Well trust me. I will always take care of you."

I find it interested the way we ask God to teach us things to help us grow in him, and when he gives us an opportunity to learn we often ignore it. Why is that? I really have no clue why I immediately assume the worst and not the best. I know God will always take care of me and yet I often do not give him the chance to. 

So here's to letting God take over and do his thing. His ways are far better than mine will ever be.  

Special

So a little over a week ago God gave me this pretty cool story/thing during my quiet. It was pretty cool how it just kind of came out of me and its not very long and you might not even like it but I do and I feel as if I should share it so here goes...

Everyday you desire to be closer to me and I feel as if almost everyday I fail you. Why is it that despite how unworthy I am you still love me and desire to be with me. What is so special about me?

You see a beautiful creation made perfect by your grace. I see a filthy failure incapable of your grace. What is so special about me?

You see someone with the capability to conquer the world. I see someone who can barley handle her house. What is so special about me?

As I sit in doubt of who I am I hear your voice; your still small voice:
"I knew you before you were formed in your mother's womb. I molded you and gave you a design crafted by me. I gave you a divine purpose.
I breathed life into your lungs. I planted a desire in your heart to be loved by me. I made my grace available to you so you could live and be with me.
I see a beautiful creation because you are my beautiful creation and you were crafted in my image.
I see someone who can conquer the world because I put the strength to conquer in you heart.
You may stand before me as a broken creature, but I complete you. I have made you whole and worthy.
You are mine always and forever."

Understandings

Over the past couple of months I have found myself saying "God I may not understand what is going on but you do so it is all going to work out." God has most definitely been reinforcing this thought around me. In church just this past week Pastor Jon talked about how we don't have the foresight that God does about our life, and we shouldn't make plans but let God plan for us. If you are walking in God's plan he will meet you and prepare you for what come next in life.

I have been trying to figure out what to do with my life after graduation. I basically have three options: 1. find a teaching job either here in Virginia or home in New Jersey, 2. Continue on in my Education and receive a Masters in Early Education, and 3. Look into overseas teaching opportunities. I really have no clue what to do so I am bringing my requests before God. I have learned in the past that if I make my own plans God will change them anyways because it is not what he wants for my life. Now I am asking God to make clear to me where to go next. I don't want to make such a big decision about my life without His guidance because he sees the future.

Right now my heart is leaning towards continuing with my education, which is something I never thought I would do right after I graduate. If you know me at all, school is not one of my favorite things in life. This change in heart makes me believe this may be the path God wants me to walk down, but I'm still not 100% sure yet. I will continue to pray about it and see what God says.

East Asia pt. 2

Finally have found some time again to write more about my trip...

One thing that we seemed to do a lot of on our trip was English corners. Basically what we did was meet with college students (sometimes people that were older too) and talked with them. It started out as mostly small talk so they could practice their English, but we were looking for any opportunity to talk with them about Jesus.

At the first English corner we were at, my friend Sarah and I were talking with two girls that were sophomores in college. We talked about the things we liked to do and what were studying in school, it was hard at first to think of things to say but we got the hang out it and the conversation started flowing pretty well. At one point Sarah asked the girls what they did for Christmas because Christmas isn't really something that is greatly celebrated in China. The girl told us she spent Christmas in church one year, that was our door opening. Sarah asked her some more questions but the girl quickly changed the subject. She told us she believes in science and I pray that her eyes would be open to God's truth.

A few days later were at another university for another English corner. I would have to say that this was my favorite English corner. I spent the entire night talking with two girls that were such sweethearts. Our group taught the students some line dances and we got to sing for them as well, mainly fun songs. Our group also got to do our dance that I think I mentioned in my last post. After the song our leader told us to use the song as a way to start talking about God. I did not even have to bring up the song because one of the girls asked me right off the bat what the song meant. I began to explain to her how we are God's creation and we are all beautiful things because we are his. She then asked me about the Bible. I shared with her how God loves us so much that he sacrificed his son just to save us. I shared a bit more, and then the girl looked at me and told me, "I can tell that your love for God is so sincere." WOW! I may not have lead her to Christ but it was clear that His light was shining through me and planted a seed in this girls life.

Well after that amazing night the next day was spent with two different house churches. I loved these because me and one of the other guys on the team got the opportunity to lead a little worship. I was going crazy up until this point because it had been so long since I had sung on the top of my lungs to Jesus. That experience was so amazing and I will never forget it.

Next post I'll talk about the kindergarten.

East Asia pt. 1

Alrighty friends, I have finally found some time to tell you about my amazing trip to East Asia. I think I am going to write about in the trip in possible 4 phases, but most likely 3, we shall see. The first part I'll talk about is the first couple of days of the trip...

Wednesday December 29th the team left from Dulles airport around 10 in the morning and we finally arrived at our destination on December 30th around 5pm (I think). I was completely exhausted at this point but we had to stay awake till at least 10 that night. As soon as 10 o'clock came I was in my bed resting up for the busy day we had ahead of us...

Friday December 31th: The day started out bright and early at 7:30am because we were off to the Great Wall, and it was most certainly great. The day was a lot of fun, but I was really excited for the next two which would be spent at an orphanage. (I'll spend the rest of this post talking about my experience there)

The first morning at the orphanage, the kids were broken up into groups and me and one of the other girls on the team were responsible for one of the groups and took them around to different stations set up throughout the building. There were crafts, line dancing, ESL, and gym. It was so much fun to get to hang out with the kids and watch them partake in the activities. We then had lunch with the kids and spent the rest of the afternoon playing with them

In the first part of the afternoon we had the younger kids inside and I played twister with some of them. Later on the older kids were inside and some of our team decided it would be fun to teach them all how to play ninja. (if you don't know what this game is then you are truly missing out on an awesome time) I have never seen a group of people catch on to the game as quickly as these kids did. They were even teaming up against all of the Americans, and we had no idea what was going on because we could not understand them, but it was so much fun non the less.

After dinner that night the kids put on a performance for us that was life altering. Two of the kids gave their testimonies and I knew after the first one that I was not going to make it through the night without crying. The girl who gave the second testimony was 15 and had a story that would tare your heart out. She had lost both of her parents, and after she had been living at the orphanage she was diagnosed with a heart condition that should have taken her life. Through a miracle of God she was able to receive the funds necessary to save her life. As she told us her story she broke down in tears because she knew that God had saved her life and because of it she was living for him.

After this testimony (with tears already rolling down my face), the kids did their final dance to a song with the lyrics "There are no orphans of God". I am fully aware of the fact that God is a father to the fatherless, but to see these children dancing to this song made it so real to me. These children who have nothing in this world that the world deems necessary yet they know they have everything through God their father.

We were only at the orphanage for the first Saturday and Sunday of the trip, but I knew after those two days that my life had already changed and would continue to do so over the following two weeks.

Embarking on a Trip

Right now I am packing for a trip I will be embarking on on Wednesday...

My school offers something like 20 missions trips a year and holds a meeting about these trips at the beginning of each fall semester. This was my third fall semester at Liberty and my first time attending one of these meetings. It has been a very long time since I have been on an overseas missions trip (about 7 years) and felt like God was telling me it was time to go on one again.

I walked into the meeting with my best friend with the intentions of going on a trip during spring break with her. We looked at the list of trips and decided on one that looked interesting for spring break, but as the meeting started both of our hearts were drawn to two different places.

One of the first trips they discussed was a trip to East Asia. When I read the description of the trip my heart was immediately stirred. I looked over to my friend and said "I want to go on this trip." As soon as the meeting was over, I headed over to the computer to print out an application because if you don't get your application in the next day you most likely won't be able to go on the trip you desire.

Well the next day I handed in my application and set up an interview for the following week. It was September 8th (ironically my birthday) when I walked out of the Light Ministries office with the news that I had been chosen for the trip and would be going to East Asia over winter break.

I leave for East Asia on Wednesday, and I cannot believe how fast time has gone. The team will be there from December 29th until January 15th. While we are there we will be teaching English in a kindergarten and also going to an orphanage. I ask that you would keep the team and I in your prays over the next two weeks. Specifically pray for my health because my body tends to rebel against me when I travel.

I know God has a lot in store for me and the team over the next two weeks, and I cannot wait to see what he does. While I am there I will be keeping a journal and when I get back I will post everything in my blog. Thank you for your prayers!